Dulwich Hamlet Under 18s 10, Cray Wanderers 0

Another North Division match in the Kent Youth League, against Cray Wanderers. I wasn't expecting such a one sided game. Especially against Cray Wanderers, who you usually have a tight matches with.

Not that I didn't enjoy it. This was my first 'double figures' of the season, & you don't get many of them. Too easy to be competitive? Not on your nelly! As long as it's my team scoring the more goals the merrier. There was no cabaret this year. For the last two seasons one of the Cray players parents has been quality entertainment. Never mind the lads playing football on the pitch, he was worth the admission money alone, if gates were ever taken at these fixtures. Which they're not. His son played for the Wands, and is over age for youth football now, I would guess. His old man would moan about every challenge, and shout at the referee, but when it came to our players giving it back it was 'play the game, we're here to play football'. And heaven forbid any verbals at the officials from our lot. He would admonish our boys telling them to let the man referee & get on with the game! As I say, he was pure cabaret! And astonishingly in the latter games against them last season he even ran the line as their club lino!

This morning there was sportsmanship, of sorts, on the line. Early on we whipped a cross in, and the Cray keeper bawled out his defeneders, ending with a loud 'fuckin' 'ell!' One of their parents on the sideline moved his fingers across his mouth & ordered him to 'zip it!', then went back to his conversation with another of their crowd, littered with swear words.

As the half wore on I'm surprised he didn't swear more, as the goals rained into the back of his net. The first came after eight minutes, a cross from the right was knocked into the back of the old onion bag with a textbook downward header. By the time the half time whistle went it was five. Who knows if it could have been more, as Cray desperately tried to keep the score down with the help of the Cray club lineman in front of me. Just before the break a Hamlet shot was deflected by a defender for a clear cut corner. The referee was unsighted, so looked over to the lino. Who gave a goal kick! I didn't say anything, as clubs are totally accountable for spectators at youth level, but was digusted when he joked with his Cray cronies that 'I had to give a goal kick, we've been under too much pressure!'

The second half was more of the same. I missed our sixth, not because I was late out of the clubhouse. I was back on the touchline in time for the re-start, but only had half an eye on the game, as I was reading the 'Non League Paper' at the same time. I did try to pay more attention & saw the remaining four goals. I also spent the rest of the half part earwigging a gaggle of Cray mums, which was quite funny. They clearly weren't too impressed with the lad between the sticks for them. After our seventh went in one exclaimed: " I'll go in goal, he's rubbish!" Not long after the Cray number six took a tumble and stayed down. One of them, presumably his mum, went: "Oh shit! It's not his ankle again! We wasn't even watching, chatting again. What happened. He only broke it in March, it's the same one!" He hobbled off the pitch, but moments later was fine, gingerly walking up and down the touchline. Calm down mother!

But with no subs they were down to ten men, & Dulwich continued to dominate. Bitchy anti-keeper mum shot off another barbed dig as he made a save. "Blimey it moved!", as if the heavy defeat was all his alone. no doubt her boy must've been playing in defence. I'll leave you with the benefit of their footballing wisdom to one last comment. It's a Cray throw-in, & there's not much movement, with no yellow shirts moving toward the thrower. "If he's got to throw that then surely the others should get closer...they're not moving....oh...he's got a pretty long throw!"

Two goals later & it was double figures. I left with a smile on my face.